Alyssa’s Blog…a modern day diary of the random thoughts of Alyssa Amsbaugh

For Memorial Day weekend, we had our friends Helena and Hugh over for a BBQ. It’s always a pleasure to hang out with them so we had a great time. We had hamburgers, grilled hotdogs that I then baked in phyllo dough, a salad, chili (to dip the hot dogs in), deviled eggs, and potato chips. (Yes, I forgot to put the pickles out. Damn it! LOL) For dessert, we had two treats that Helena brought…patriotically frosted cupcakes and the most heavenly fresh fruit dipped in milk chocolate that you can imagine. OMG, imagine fresh pineapple, blueberries, and strawberries dipped in rich, delicious milk chocolate. Anyway, THEY were our INVITED guests. The night BEFORE, however, we had an UNINVITED visitor…and I’m STILL not sure that he has left! LOL

OK, go back in time to a pleasant evening…J.R. and I were sitting in the living room, watching TV. He in his recliner, I on the couch (folding laundry) when we both were like, “WHAT WAS THAT?”

Out of the corner of our eyes, we BOTH saw a BLUR of something fly upstairs. “HOLY SHIT, WHAT WAS THAT?” We immediately jump up to investigate…only to see the same BLUR of something now flying downstairs, coming straight at us! (Insert much screaming here as I now realize this is a bat.)

J.R. goes into the kitchen to find something to arm himself with while I come running in behind him as said bat now flew into the dining room, where I was.

I’m now hiding behind J.R., clutching onto his back, when he makes me go into the bathroom off of our kitchen and close the door. (I guess he likes to deal with one pest at a time! LOL) Armed with a plastic Chinese food container and a long fish griller thingamajig for the BBQ, he opened the front door, then began a methodical search of the house for our visitor, upstairs and downstairs, room by room.

idk what happened next. (Remember, I was in the bathroom.) By the time I peeked out from behind the door, J.R. had last seen our visitor on the floor at the base of the stairs and assumed our guest had left through the front door. We haven’t seen any sign of him since so I guess he really flew the coop. He lives to fly again and rid our neighborhood of pesky mostiquoes! LOL

In the end, all I can really tell you about this little guy is that he is VERY healthy, as evidenced by his flying speed…unlike another bat that we had years ago. That other poor little guy must have been very sick as he was crawling around on our living room floor. J.R. caught him and put him outside, where he eventually died of natural causes. RIP

Heres the irony of it all. This weekend I just HAPPENED to be watching “Blacula” (a 1972 vampire movie starring William Marshall as a vampire named Mamuwalde, an African dignitary) and “Scream Blacula Scream” (the 1973 follow-up flick). Concidence? Or did Mr. Marshall feel the need to pay us a little visit? Bwaa haa haa. Bwaa haa haa haa. Bwaa haa haa haa haa! (Insert evil laugh here.)

That’s because I still haven’t used all of the gift certificates that I received for Christmas. Tonight I headed to Fashion Bug, where they were having a fantastic 70%-off sale. How could I resist a sale like that? I had $75 to burn and wanted to get the most bang for my buck, so in I went and came home with:

- A dressy purple V-neck top with pretty jagged edging along the neckline, a criss-cross bustline, and 3/4 sleeves.

- A dressy royal blue top with some “jewels” along the bustline (to bring the eyes upward, to some of my better features). Hey, all I know is that it works for me!

- A dressy teal v-neck top (identical to a plum-colored one that I bought a few months ago) with beautiful gray seed pearls strung along the neckline.

- A glittery brown V-neck stretch top with a criss-cross bustline and 3/4 sleeves that I am hoping will shrink in the wash. I felt the one in “my” size was too clingy…and I’m not thin enough for that yet. I don’t want to accentuate the negative (my belly), ya know? So I wanted to go up 1 size BUT there weren’t any in that size. So I ended up going up 2 sizes because I liked it so much. While it does look big on me, I think I can get away with it, ESPECIALLY IF IT SHRINKS IN THE WASH!

- A light gray cotton knit hooded pullover sweatshirt that you TOTALLY have to wear a top under (because the bustline seems to end somewhere around my tummy).

- A matching pair of light gray cotton knit sweatpants.

- 6 pairs of knee-hi’s (3 prs in nude and 3 prs in off-black).

- 1 pair of silver dangle earrings.

As I was shopping, I kept asking the saleswoman to check how much $ I had left spent. At one point I asked the woman, “Where am I?” and she said…

Wait for it…

It’s a good one…

It so made me laugh!

She said, “Fashion Bug.” LOL

And I was like, “NO, I mean how much more $ do I have left to spend?” FYI, in the end, I got plenty of bang for my buck…and I mean that literally as I ended up having to add $1 out of my own pocket toward the bill. So thanks again to my Mom and my buddy Dianne for their thoughtful gift certificates that made this shopping expedition possible! I’M ECSTATIC!

How can I tell? Because it’s warm enough to walk around the house in shorts and sports bras, of course! (I know, I know, God help the neighbors if they happen to look through the ONE window in the house that doesn’t have a shade. Hey, I figure it’s THEIR problem, not mine.)

Anyway, the air sure did SMELL like spring yesterday. And there’s something about how the light is illuminating things that immediately makes a “spring” connection with me, too. I CAN’T WAIT FOR SPRING TO BE SPRUNG! Spring is one of my favorite seasons…it’s so refreshing. idk why but it makes me feel really good right down to my soul. I feel rejuvenated.

Oh, and wanna hear something cute? A bunch of us at work joined forces yesterday and took a walk at lunch. On our way back, I saw a bird’s nest in a tree. OMG, IT WAS SO CUTE!!!

omg, I couldn’t help myself this morning.

I got into a LITTLE bit of trouble yesterday with an e-mail that I sent to a friend from work. It was completely innocent. I had to laugh when that friend laughed and told me how I ruined their morning by implanting an image in their head.

Well, Day 2, and this one isn’t innocent! Am doing that e-mail one better by sending a picture to help ingrain that awful image.

I’m a stinker, ain’t I? LOL BUT I CAN’T HELP MYSELF!

Not that I was necessarily HIDING this from my husband, but I did purchase 2 pairs of super hot shoes on clearance sale @ Marty’s Shoe Store in Hackettstown, NJ. While the Marty’s chain WILL live on, this particular store is closing its doors forever. Everything is one-third off.

Anyway, I took advantage of the incredible sale to get him a pair of winter boots and me 2 pairs of super hot heels…one black (because I have a “thing” for black shoes…can never have enough of them) and the other tan snakeskin.

Naturally I brought one of each of these pairs into the office to show my girlfriends. Now here’s the part that even I don’t get. SOMEHOW THE BAG WITH ONE SHOE FROM EACH PAIR MADE ITS WAY TO HIS CAR! And apparently I forgot it in his car because he came in the other night with the bag and was like, “Uh, do you know what this was doing in MY car?” (omg, how hysterical would it have been if I had said “No!” and then asked him who they belong to?!? I know I have a wacky sense of humor, but I would have gotten a huge kick out of turning the tables on him like that!)

LOL So anyway, while I wasn’t exactly advertising my purchase, I HAVE been found out…and apparently I RATTED MYSELF OUT! omg, it’s too funny…and typical.

It’s Thanksgiving and I’m preparing the family dinner. Only instead of turkey, I’m making steak. In a toaster oven. Which opens from the side, not the front. And the steak keeps getting caught on something inside. So I end up serving these little pieces of steak.

Sitting at the table with our family is Yuri Langer, a guy I worked with who recently left the company. I figure he’s here because he’s Russian and we’re Ukrainian (so we’re “related”). That, and he often told me that he wanted to meet my parents!

Anyway, while I’m alone in the kitchen cooking, the doors to the microwave oven, a small refrigerator, and the toaster oven fly open. I’m freaked out, but not as much as I will be when I try to close those doors but encounter resistance…BY GHOSTS!

I talk to my mother about this. I tell her it only happens when I’m alone, I can’t duplicate the situation when she’s there. She isn’t spooked at all…takes it as very matter of fact. She accepts that I’m sensitive to ghosts. (OK, this is NOT like my mother! LOL)

Apparently I’ve had other encounters because JR tells me that it’s time for me to consult someone about my psychic abilities. (OK, this is NOT like my husband! LOL)

idk, maybe I watch too many scary shows! I do love them so. Even though I don’t believe in ghosts. I think we scare ourselves far better than any spectre or ghoul could. So I’d appreciate it if you didn’t book me an appointment with a psychiatrist just yet! LOL

Yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of painting in the house lately. And this weekend I had ANOTHER cRaZy dream. No, make that TWO cRaZy dreams! The second one, though, I’m going to chalk up to the large Pecos Peach margarita that I just had at Lone Star Steakhouse and the chocolate-frosted Dunkin Donuts I later had for dessert.

SIDEBAR

Last night JR and I decided to get out of the house for some much-needed fresh air. We were headed to the Olive Garden in Easton, PA, but the parking lot was packed and there was a bus disguised as an “executive limousine” out front. wtf? Not a great disguise if you ask me. (What part of “limousine” don’t you get?) Anyway, a BUS at the Olive Garden? Damn it, we’ll never get seated!

Instead, we opted for the Lone Star Steakhouse (situated right next door). Where I had a well-done filet mignon wrapped in bacon, served with garlic mashed potatoes and a lettuce wedge salad. Oh, and a large Pecos Peach margarita! LOL Everything was great and we decided to call this our belated 18th wedding anniversary dinner.

OK, BACK TO OUR STORY…

The dream from which I awoke today was a continuation of a cRaZy dream I’ve had once before. Aliens invade Earth. All electronic devices shut down. Everyone cowers in their homes. Very ’50s sci fi, right? This time I’m with my Aunt Rose and cousin Marilyn in their apartment. I’ve got a ton of groceries. Including freezer goods. And for some reason, they have my Aunt Jo and Uncle John’s freezer in their apartment. And I have to open it because I’ve got frozen food to put inside.

That freezer is important as the aliens are attracted to gold. And although we don’t know it yet, there’s gold in that freezer. And 3 aliens. Two of which look human. And a third one that has an “alien” face but a human-looking body. (Funny how food AND 3 aliens fit into a normal-looking freezer! LOL Oh well, that’s Hollywood!)

Anyway, when we hear a buzzing and the electronic devices die, we all know it’s because the aliens have returned. I opt to jump out the kitchen window and run to my car, parked nearby. Now somehow I’m in a warehouse. Everyone is scared shitless. I go out into a fog and see a large crowd of people who were abducted by the aliens on a previous visit. They’re walking to the warehouse. I don’t believe they are human and I run back to the warehouse, where scientists are examining those 3 frozen aliens…and bringing them back to life. Turns out the mothership returned for these guys. (OK, and probably the gold, too.) We make nice. Earth survives to live another day. But can I survive another one of these dreams???

In my family, we do what we call a “pollyanna” gift exchange at Christmas. It’s what the rest of the world knows as “secret santa.”

The origins of this family tradition go way back to when I was a kid; maybe even before! Originally everybody bought everybody gifts. Then everyone started having kids. Of course everyone always bought presents for the kids. But buying for the adults AND the kids got to be an expensive proposition and the grown-ups felt that they didn’t need anything anyway. Thus our pollyanna was born.

I always thought pollyanna was a lot of fun. When I was a kid, I participated by running the whole shebang. I wrote each person’s name on a little slip of paper, folded those papers into tiny squares, tossed them into a saucepan, stirred them around with a wooden spoon, and then offered them to each adult. As I got older, I also compiled and distributed the coveted wish lists. And as I got older still, I also got to play!

While I’m usually still the point person for this tradition, this year my cousin wanted to run it so I graciously stepped aside.

Anyway, there aren’t many rules to our pollyanna.

- The spend limit is $50.00 (although we can and often do spend more).

- If you pick your own name, you have to put it back and pick again.

- If this happens to the final person who picks, all of the names go back into the saucepan and we all have to pick again.

On Christmas Eve, we mutually decide who gets to start the gift-giving. The person who receives the first gift then gives a gift to his or her pollyanna, and so on, and so on, and so on down the line.

There are a lot of fake-outs, with everyone trying to make it look like their gift is going to someone other than the person whom they picked. I love it!

This year’s players include my Mom and Dad, Olga and Eugene; my godmother, Marilyn; my brother, Martin; his wife, Janice; their son, Christopher; my cousins, Linda and Christine; my husband, JR; and of course me.

I just want to go on record and say that I went out to 1 store this morning, purchased my pollyanna gift, and came home. Yep, I get right down to business! Nice of me to brave the crowds, no? There was a one-day sale and I saved $70 on my gift. List? I don’t need no stinkin’ list! What a renegade I am this year! WHATEVER! My person will just deal with it…AND LOVE IT!!! ;>

Yeah, I’m stalling because I don’t want to get up, but I also am really concerned about my buddy Dianne. She has been sick with flu-like symptoms. I just wanted to say HI (in case you are reading this blog, as you usually do) and I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON! Hang in there, girlfriend, it’s a three-day work week!

WEATHER UPDATE: We interupt this blog for an important weather update. IT’S SNOWING! AND THAT SNOW IS STICKING! We now return you to our regular blog.

Damn it! I never got to mow the grass one more time! Which is important as I don’t rake leaves anymore, I just mulch them. Now I’ll have a soggy mess on my hands when this eventually melts! @#$?!& Oh well.

If you already can’t tell, I’m stalling because I have ants in my pants today. It feels like a holiday and when it FEELS like a holiday I DON’T want to go to work! LOL Oh well, I guess I have to do, as my friend Deb likes to say, “put on my big girl panties” and just get on with it. My shower awaits. And my snow boots, comforter, and pillow are in the car in the event I have car trouble. This habit is the result of years of urging by my Dad. He worries about me. A lot. And I tend to say “Yes, Dad.” A lot. And since I don’t want to lie to my father, I really DO keep cold weather supplies in the car!

Ok, now I’m down to the wire. Thank God I don’t care what I look like for work! LOL

It’s Saturday morning and I awakened at 6:49 a.m. to the familiar “ping” of my cell phone, which is conveniently charging on the nightstand next to my bed. That “ping” means I’ve gotten a text message…COOL!

Anyway, when read the message, it’s from J.R. It’s his standard “On my way home” message sent a little after midnight. (He works 2nd shift and does this to let me know when he’s coming home. This is the result of an incident years ago where I must have screamed every octave in every tone range out of pure fright…I was sleeping and he scared the you-know-what out of me! More on that in another blog! LOL)

So I guess I SHOULD be scared now. I mean, if J.R. is just NOW on his way home, WHO is that snoring in bed next to me? LOL I check to see and yep, it’s what I figured…IT’S J.R.! wtf?

Conspiracy theorists would blame this on a wire tap by our government, but I know better. It’s just our stupid phone service, the higly recognizable “AT&T,” which later decided to change its name to “Cingular,” which later decided to change its name BACK to “AT&T.” If they can’t even get their name straight, how are they supposed to supply me with TIMELY messaging service? Get with the program, ppl! I LOVE text messaging! It’s so convenient and fun! Or should be, anyway.

SIDEBAR

Getting back to the snoring, I honestly think it works its way into my subconscious and THAT’S why I dream of grizzly bears. (Snoring? Growling? Very similar! Get the connection?) The premise of these dreams is always the same…I’m in a hurry on my way somewhere in a natural setting and every time I come across a grizzly bear or group of bears, I have to alter my path. Freud can analyze the hell out of this some other time; I’m awake now and have to get to the bank before it closes! LOL See ya!