Alyssa’s Blog…a modern day diary of the random thoughts of Alyssa Amsbaugh

NOW I’m tagging posts with categories! Otherwise it’s all one giant, multi-page experience and I don’t think ppl will page back through it all! LOL Well, at least I can laugh at myself. And while I downloaded other themes for this blog, I really like this pink and white striped one. It really captures the essence of me, doesn’t it? So that won’t be changing…for awhile anyway. (I think I’ve just learned to never say never!)

Now EVERYTHING is in my “Mousellaneous” category—the default category—and most of the other posts have one other category as appropriate.

Everything miscellaneous is in Mousellaneous, named of course in tribute to one of my heroes, Walt Disney. If I could go back in time to meet anyone, he’d be on the short list.

OK, ppl, get out there and have a Disney day!

Oh, and keep those comments coming! I just love seeing them when I check in! LOL

Some people find him too much to take, but I have enjoyed Howard Stern’s brand of raunchy comedy for the dozen or more years that I have been listening to him now. What can I say? HE MAKES ME LAUGH! And not just a little chuckle here and there. HE MAKES ME LAUGH HARD! The kind of laughter where your eyes tear up and your throat gets hoarse and you think you might wet your pants. idk what it is about him…I just get him. He’s often maligned, but in reality he ‘s just a silly, goofy guy with a radio show.

I don’t even mind when he has supposedly sexy woman in the studio and makes fun of them. He does that so well! But I don’t watch those same half-naked women on his TV show. It’s the exact same show but in a different medium, and somehow that makes a big difference for me. (I’m funny like that. It upsets me, probably because I feel I don’t measure up, so I simply don’t watch. I figure that’s why God made the TV remote control…for switching channels.)

Anyway, in recent years, Howard (who is now on Sirius satellite radio) has added some new creative talent to his show. Arty Lange is a fabulous addition who also makes me laugh. But Sal and Richard? I’m not so sure about those two.

Sal and Richard insist on doing gross things to each other. I won’t get into it here; you can listen to the show yourself to find out. Sometimes it’s funny but most of the time it’s just gross. Anyway, while I was in the shower this morning, I got to thinking about Richard.

What I like about Richard is his corny, twangy, Southern accent. What I don’t like about him is his funk. Mind you I’ve never smelled him, but I’ve listened to enough shows to know that he smells awful.

Yep, Richard is a guy who rarely bathes. I mean, he really stinks. Like the title says, he must have graduated from PU. I don’t understand his aversion to being clean. He can go weeks at a time without washing. How can he stand himself? How can anyone else stand him?

He says it’s because the 40 minutes that it takes him to shower (40 MINUTES! WHAT IS HE, NUTS? I CAN SHOWER AND SHAVE MY LEGS IN LESS TIME THAN THAT!), he could be working on another bit for the show.

Here’s a suggestion for a bit for you, Richard. Sign up for boot camp for a week. At the very least you’ll learn how to take a 5-minute shower! LOL

I know I always seem to be writing about myself here, and it makes me feel a little guilty and self-centered. But to be honest, “they” say you should write what you know about and, well, this is my own personal diary. So if anyone is actually reading this, I guess you’ll just have to put up with me! LOL

I can’t say that I’ve always been a fan of classical music, but I’ve slowly eased into it over the years, having been exposed to some particularly beautiful movie soundtracks. Here are a few of my favorites, in no particular order. Most of the movies on this list are historical romances, what I would classify as “period pieces”…romantic stories set back in time, in gorgeous settings, and scored with breathtakingly lovely music. Oh, and did I mention that they’re hot? (I never do stray too far from that, do I? LOL)

“Pride and Prejudice” (A&E, 1996) with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. Music by Carl Davis.

“Emma” (1996) with Jeremy Northam and Gwyneth Paltrow. Music by Rachel Portman.

“Sense & Sensibility” (1995) with Kate Winslet, Hugh Grant, Alan Rickman, and Emma Thompson. Music by Patrick Doyle.

“Jane Eyre” (A&E, 1997) with Ciaran Hinds and Samantha Morton.

“Persuasion” (1995) with Ciaran Hinds and Amanda Root.

“Girl with a Pearl Earring” (2003) with Colin Firth and Scarlett Johansson. Music by Alexandre Desplat.

“The Luzhin Defence” (2000). Music by Alexandre Desplat.

Dimitri Shostakovich, composer of one of my favorite pieces in “The Luzhin Defence”…Waltz No. 2 From Jazz Suite No. 2.

“A Room With A View” (1985) with Julian Sands, Helena Bonham Carter, and Daniel Day-Lewis. Music by Richard Robbins and Giacomo Puccini.

“Last of the Mohicans” (1992) with Daniel Day-Lewis and Madeleine Stowe. Music by Randy Edelman and Trevor Jones.

If you’re ever in the mood for a truly touching story, give one of these a try. They are all so well-written and produced. You won’t be sorry!

Yep, last night I went to see the movie “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.” It’s a very funny comedy as well as a touching “best friends” story despite the poor reviews it garnered. Frankly, I find that the worse a movie is reviewed, the more I like it. idk, I guess “two thumbs down” really best describes my sense of humor! LOL

Anyway, Chuck Levine (played here by Adam Sandler) and Larry Valentine (Kevin James) are two totally straight NYC firefighters and best friends who work together every day. Larry is a widower of several years who still hasn’t gotten over the loss of his wife. In his grief, he neglected to change the recipient of his work benefits from his late wife to his young son and daughter, the time period for making such a change has elapsed, and now, should he die on the job, his kids would not receive any benefits. Larry thinks all hope is lost…until he sees a newspaper headline that the city is now recognizing “domestic partnerships” for benefit claims.

Rewind a little bit. Larry saves Chuck’s life at a fire. Apparently there is a code amongst firemen that if you save one another in the line of duty that the person you saved has to pay you back by doing anything that you ask, etc., etc., etc. Well, you can guess the rest. But the only reason Larry agrees to this arrangement is because no one was supposed to find out about it. But everyone does. Hence the difficulties and the comedy.

That’s the story behind how Chuck and Larry get married. Of course that’s a funny premise and these two do not disappoint with enough verbal and physical comedy to make the most of this wacky situation.

What I appreciated most about this movie, though, weren’t the laughs but the stories beneath the story. How Larry’s young son is obviously well on the path to being gay and how his father ultimately accepts that. How even though Chuck and Larry’s homosexual relationship is a complete farce, it gives a co-worker who is truly gay the strength to come out of the closet. How because of their very close friendship, Chuck and Larry’s lover’s quarrels truly mimic the real thing between husband and wife. How Chuck has a genuine change of heart; at first a womanizer who is homophobic and derogatory toward gays but, once viewed as gay himself, understanding and sympathetic toward their cause.

I don’t think women are the target audience for this flick, men are. And for them, the desire to see another funny Adam Sandler movie has to be stronger than their homophobia. (I say that because it seems that the topic of homosexuality makes a lot of straight men very uneasy. Unless it’s two women together…THAT they go for! Go figure. Guys are funny like that.)

For me, though, I figure live and let live. I don’t swing that way myself, but I do have gay friends. Pls, I knew a guy at one of my jobs who was adorable and totally out of the closet. We used to sit in the atrium of the building during lunch and ogle guys together. omg, that was so much fun!

Bottom line, if guys can get over their initial reluctance, I think that they, too, will enjoy this feel-good friendship film that also features Jessica Biel, Dan Aykroyd, Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, Nick Turturro, Allen Covert, Richard Chamberlain, Lance Bass, and, of course, Rob Schneider, without whom no Adam Sandler movie would be complete.

Am sitting here at my desk with an accumulation of fortune-cookie fortunes. Yes, I hang onto the really good ones. They’re usually pretty corny and I always get a kick out of them. BTW, did you know that to heighten the giggle factor of any fortune, you’re supposed to add “in bed” to the end of it? It’s always fun to have Chinese food with friends and then read your fortune aloud…IN BED! (Uh, no, NOT “in bed” this time! LOL I getting carried away now!) idk how that started, and perhaps I’ll do a little Internet research regarding its origins, but here are a few of my recent favorites:

“You are in the vicinity of a good time. Get the shy to join in…IN BED!”

“You will have a bright future…IN BED!”

“Every man is a volume if you know how to read him…IN BED!”

“A good time to start something new…IN BED!”

“You always bring others happiness…IN BED!”

“Accept the next proposition you hear…IN BED!”

“Practice makes perfect…IN BED!”

“Before you give, you must receive…IN BED!”

“You have an uncanny willingness and ability to help others…IN BED!”

“If you want to win anything–a race, yourself, your life–you have to go a little berserk…IN BED!”

omg, they are all so true! Is it luck that I got them or fate??? How Confucius know me so well? He was obviously a man ahead of his time…IN BED! LOL

Yes, here at the Institute for Beauty Science, I learned from personal experience that it’s a little of both!

Picture the scene. It’s a Saturday afternoon and I’m bored. What to do? What to do? Well, I DID just buy some foot soak, scrub, and lotion. And some pre-waxed strips. Why not make it a beauty day? Pamper my feet, do a little waxing, etc., etc. What could go wrong?

omg, WHAT a MISTAKE. I was so eager to have some fun that I FORGOT that my skin is delicate. AND there’s no one around to remind me NOT to do something stupid. So I use the wax strips. It starts out well, anyway. Not too painful. But my technique obviously needs improvement. How can I tell? By the deep purple bruises that immediately appear along my bikini line.

OMG, WHAT HAVE I DONE? I’m such an idiot. Hey, at least I can admit it! NOW I remember that I’m delicate! NOW I remember that this could take FOREVER to heal! NOW I’ve got to find an ice bag so I can do some damage control and try to stop the bleeding going on under my skin, which of course is the source of any bruise.

OK, beauty science got me into this so I figured beauty science could get me out of this as well. So I surfed the Internet, figuring that surely SOMEONE SOMEWHERE has to know SOMETHING about helping bruises heal. And that’s when I came across information on Vitamin K.

Not in an ingestible form, mind you. No pill is going to get you out of a mess like this…it apparently has no effect on bruises. But applied topically, Vitamin K is said to help improve circulation, which in turn helps your body reabsorb all that blood trapped under the skin and thus helps bruises disappear.

Here’s where my painfully gained scientific data comes in. I’m sharing this only to spare you the same fate!

Day 1. No Vitamin K cream yet. Only ice. Bruise color? A horridly deep shade of purple. I’m an idiot.

Day 2. Vitamin K cream. Bruise color? Dark pink. I’m a hopeful idiot.

Day 3. Vitamin K cream. Bruise color? Yellow. I’m a happier idiot.

Day 4. Vitamin K cream. Bruise color? NORMAL SKIN TONE. I’m an ecstatic idiot!

I can’t believe it worked but am so glad that it did! Thank you, Vitamin K cream!

Did I mention that I’m going to stick with shaving now? Yep, from ANOTHER beauty/science experiment, I learned that using a single-blade razor will reduce irritation of delicate skin. In addition to the low-tech razor, I also apply an antimicrobial product…tea tree oil-based lotion…immediately after shaving. (Yes, I learned THAT lesson from ANOTHER beauty/science tragedy. But that’s another story! LOL)

Or heroine! Because now I have a diary, too! (You’re reading it.)

Bridget is also a favorite of mine because she ended up with Mark Darcy and, if the truth be told, I’ve always had a thing for the actor who plays Mark Darcy…aka Colin Firth. (Why else would I have to watch “What A Girl Wants” every single time that movie is on TV?) In fact, the author of Bridget Jones named Firth’s character “Mark Darcy” in homage to the role that Firth so aptly played in the BBC’s most excellent production of “Pride and Prejudice,” in which he played the handsome but arrogant “Fitzwilliam Darcy,” better known simply as “Mr. Darcy.”

For those of you who have not as yet been exposed to “P&P,” it is a very smart and funny historical comedy and a love story with a beautiful soundtrack. A most enjoyable mini-series. Oh, and did I mention that it’s hot? LOL

In “P&P,” Mr. Darcy, a rich city dweller, moves into his late father’s estate in the country. He arrives with several companions, including his best friend, Mr. Bingley, and Mr. Bingley’s two sisters (one married, the other single). At their first dance in the country, Mr. Darcy rejects the pretty but common Elizabeth Bennet, she is aware of it and becomes upset, but she takes it in stride. In time, however, Mr. Darcy falls quite hard for Elizabeth and, when goaded by Miss Bingley, Elizabeth’s rival for his affections, has the following exchange:

Mr. Darcy: “No, indeed, my mind was more agreeably engaged. I’ve been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow…”

Miss Bingley: “And may one dare ask whose the eyes that inspire these reflections?”

Mr. Darcy: “Miss Elizabeth Bennet’s.”

Miss Bingley: “Miss Elizabeth Bennet. I am all astonishment.”

- Sigh – Now that’s romance! And our first outward sign of Mr. Darcy’s true feelings for Elizabeth.

Yet another favorite line from this film? When Mr. Darcy tells Elizabeth, “In vain have I struggled, it will not do. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” You go, boy!

Another great period piece with Firth is “Girl with a Pearl Earring” (with Scarlett Johansson). In this film, Firth plays the painter Johannes Vermeer, who strikes up a special relationship with Johansson (here in the role of “Griet”), a maid in his household. It is said that in real life, Vermeer indulged himself with many of his maids. Who are we to know? We are far too removed in time. But in case you’re wondering, the relationship between Vermeer and Griet in this film is a romance of the mind and heart. There are only subtle, physical manifestations of their feelings…like when their hands brush against each other while they are mixing paints. It sounds corny, but you wouldn’t believe how hot that is! And the soundtrack is ethereal…one of my favorites.

Ladies, I propose a “P&P” marathon! omg, that would be so much fun! Let’s camp out at Deb’s house for 6 hours (the time it takes to watch this 2-disc series) with some wine and laughter! What do you say, Deb?

Weeks ago I told my friend Erin that the previews for “Knocked Up” looked great. She ended up seeing the movie and loved it. Meanwhile, I didn’t get out to see it until this past weekend. Figured it was now or never…I mean, when they’re down to two showings a day, you know it’s on its way out!

This is a very funny flick, the premise of which is a miscommunication during a drunken, one-night stand that results in an accidental pregnancy…and possibly romance? marriage? happily ever after? I know but I’ll never tell! LOL

Aside from the humor, though, I was surprised by the “real life” quality of the film’s story as well as its main male character, a young, happy-go-lucky guy named Ben Stone (played by Seth Rogen). I took one look at him and was struck by his “every guy” appeal. That made me totally buy into the story. I mean, we’re so used to seeing overly buff, overly groomed, pretty boy actors that when a real guy comes along, well, it’s kind of refreshing.

I mean, there he is, naked in her bed the morning after, and trust me, he’s no male model. He’s lying on his stomach with his very round bottom sticking out from under the sheets. He’s chubby and has the kind of body you’d see in real life. He’s a little shy and very sweet. He looks so vulnerable. There’s just something very refreshing about that.

I never really equated “cute” and “sweet” with “sexy” before, but I’ve happily changed my mind. Thank you, “Knocked Up,” for showing us that “adorable” has its own special appeal, even in the sack! LOL

Something miraculous happened today. While channel surfing, I came across “Prescription for Murder,” a Lt. Columbo mystery that I have never seen before! You know the series…Peter Falk plays a seemingly dim-witted and somewhat rumpled detective who always has to ask ONE more question. It’s all just a cover because, from day one, he knows what happened and he is just playing with the suspect, much like a spider does with a fly caught in its web.

Now I thought I had seen it all. I know most of these episodes by heart and had recently given myself (and my TiVo) a brief respite from this series. But low and behold, I scored the mother lode of them all…the pilot episode! AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE! Woo hoo!

Or at least I’m GOING to do it again! Saw “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” a week or so ago and am headed out to see it again this afternoon. I never mind seeing a good flick more than once…additional viewings give you a chance to pick up on more of the little details.

So I guess you could say I’m going out to get potted…again! LOL