Alyssa’s Blog…a modern day diary of the random thoughts of Alyssa Amsbaugh

WHAT insane new caffeinated product are we going to try this week? I think you and I should continue our scientific research in this field and become acclaimed “caffeinologists”! LOL

I’ll keep my eyes peeled for new stuff and continue to post blogs about them here. Feel free to jump in at any time with your findings, too!

omg, I’m so excited…I can’t wait!

HERE’S OUR TALLY SO FAR:

Spark caffeinated orange drink mix
Snickers CHARGED caffeinated chocolate bar

UPDATE

I just thought of what our slogan can be! “Wonder Twin powers, CAFFEINATE!” LOL omg, I love it…

I don’t get it. Isn’t stink bug season over yet? There are STILL stragglers in my house. Where are they getting in? And what the hell are they eating?

OK, let’s make a correction. “There are STILL stragglers in my BEDROOM,” which means I have a no-tolerance policy.

Now normally I have a little mercy toward bugs. If they are harmless and I can catch them, I do so and toss them outside. UNLESS they invade my space. Meaning maybe land on my face? And anything that can land on me while I’m asleep (or rappel down into my face as I blow dry my hair, much like the occasional spider does) has to go.

Found one dried-up stink bug carcass clinging to the lace curtain that hangs on the window facing the headboard. Was happy to discover it was dead. I gave it a no-gun salute as it swished down the toilet to its watery grave.

Now the other one, I’m not so sure. When I turned on the lamp on my nightstand, WHOOSH!, some stupid bug went flying across the room. Which is what started this whole damn investigation in the first place. I KNOW it’s stupid because it made a huge CLUNK when it HIT THE WALL and then fell on the floor. Dumb-ass bug. This one deserves to die. Since it made so much noise when it hit, I figure it’s the large, well-armored, dim-witted, and APPARENTLY SHITTY-FLYING stink bug.

I found one on the floor and it looked dead, but it could have just been playing dead. idk. I usually find out once and for all when they hit the icy water of the toilet. Correction, make that “the icy water of the automatic indoor wave pool.” And to be honest, I just woke up and am still operating on remote control so I didn’t pay much attention to its struggles or lack thereof.

Yep, put another notch in my belt, these here parts are now a wee bit safer for the likes of me. FYI, I’m going back to bed now. But I am armed and dangerous. You have been warned, dumb-ass stink bugs of the world. THIS HERE TOWN AIN’T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE TWO OF US!

Now that J.R. has to get up early every morning (the alarm starts going off around 4:00 or 4:30 during the work week and 3:00 on the weekend), I’m awake earlier than usual, too. Generally I try to sleep until 6:00, when I have to start getting ready for work, but I rarely fall asleep again and feel like I’m just wasting time. Today I tried a different tact.

It’s Friday…that’s GARBAGE DAY in our town…and rather than try to sleep in today, I used that extra time to clean out the refrigerator and freezer. wtf?

idk what possessed me to go to such Herculean lengths. You really have to be in the mood to tackle a project like that, ya know?

Out went old salsa, refried beans, and jelly.

Out went BBQ sauce, pickles from God only knows when, and olives.

Out went that spaghetti sauce that you hang onto because the jar isn’t empty but you know damn well that the next time you make spaghetti you’re opening a fresh jar.

Out went the sour cream, cream cheese, and milk beyond their “fresh” date.

Out went a jar of dry yeast for the breadmaking machine. (It was from 2005.) Well, you get the idea. On and on it went until the ‘fridge and freezer were up-to-date.

I guess nobody wants to do this job because, frankly, nobody wants to touch old food. We all put it off. The usual stuff (like leftovers) are easy enough to toss and no-brainers, but it’s the JARRED stuff that really makes you think. WHEN did I buy that? WHEN did I last use it? WHY is there no expiration date? WHAT is that stuff growing in there? DO I want to take a chance on using it? The answer is no so out it finally goes.

I guess it all comes down to having the time to sort through all that crap. I only did it to make room for two flats of soda and some bottled water! LOL Whatever. Now I’m done for another 2 years! (jk!)

I just got done fast-forwarding through the original, B&W, 1968 version of “Night of the Living Dead.” (Why fast-forward? Because I get terribly scared by horror movies, even the less graphic, more “innocent” genre from the ’50s and ’60s, but I do love them so!)

Anyway, IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THIS YET, turn back now because a spoiler is coming.

It turns out that there’s more meat to this movie than one would have thought. Would you believe it actually has social connotations? Remember, this movie was made in the racially-charged ’60s, a decade filled with riots and hate crimes based solely on one’s race. And you don’t get the full significance of that until the very last scene of the movie.

OK, if you’re unfamiliar with the plot of “Night of the Living Dead,” apparently a satellite falls to Earth from space. Something about its radiation brings the dead back to life. Only it isn’t much of a life, because they look like hell and they crave human flesh. (Tastes like chicken? idk.) Anyway, the only way to kill these zombies is to shoot them in the head. And if you’ve been bitten by one, you’re totally fucked because now YOU will turn into one of THEM.

So people are hiding out from these zombies and have taken shelter in a house that they’ve boarded up. In the meantime, some sort of officials are aware of the zombie situation and have organized a gun-toting posse to kill the zombies…again…for the last time. (Or at least until the sequel! LOL)

Let’s get back to the house. All sorts of stuff is going on. Windows and doors are being boarded up. A couple keeps vigil over their dead little girl in the basement (don’t ask me how she died or why they kept her there…remember, I fast forwarded through the movie). The zombies are trying to bust in with lots of hands shoved through cracks in the windows and doors. It’s dramatic stuff.

So the main character of this film is a black man. And somehow he manages to survive the night of horrors. It looks like he’s the lone survivor in the house. And the next morning, he hears all the noise that means the posse has arrived to save the day…a helicopter, cars, and lots of manpower. Phew! He’s safe! He made it! He busts out of the house…ONLY TO BE SHOT TO DEATH BY THE POSSE! Wow. That hit me heavy. Because the posse comprises all white men. And at the first sight of a black man (insert the sound of a rifle being readied here), BOOM!, they shoot first and ask questions later. And that’s the REAL horror of this film.

That’s because I still haven’t used all of the gift certificates that I received for Christmas. Tonight I headed to Fashion Bug, where they were having a fantastic 70%-off sale. How could I resist a sale like that? I had $75 to burn and wanted to get the most bang for my buck, so in I went and came home with:

- A dressy purple V-neck top with pretty jagged edging along the neckline, a criss-cross bustline, and 3/4 sleeves.

- A dressy royal blue top with some “jewels” along the bustline (to bring the eyes upward, to some of my better features). Hey, all I know is that it works for me!

- A dressy teal v-neck top (identical to a plum-colored one that I bought a few months ago) with beautiful gray seed pearls strung along the neckline.

- A glittery brown V-neck stretch top with a criss-cross bustline and 3/4 sleeves that I am hoping will shrink in the wash. I felt the one in “my” size was too clingy…and I’m not thin enough for that yet. I don’t want to accentuate the negative (my belly), ya know? So I wanted to go up 1 size BUT there weren’t any in that size. So I ended up going up 2 sizes because I liked it so much. While it does look big on me, I think I can get away with it, ESPECIALLY IF IT SHRINKS IN THE WASH!

- A light gray cotton knit hooded pullover sweatshirt that you TOTALLY have to wear a top under (because the bustline seems to end somewhere around my tummy).

- A matching pair of light gray cotton knit sweatpants.

- 6 pairs of knee-hi’s (3 prs in nude and 3 prs in off-black).

- 1 pair of silver dangle earrings.

As I was shopping, I kept asking the saleswoman to check how much $ I had left spent. At one point I asked the woman, “Where am I?” and she said…

Wait for it…

It’s a good one…

It so made me laugh!

She said, “Fashion Bug.” LOL

And I was like, “NO, I mean how much more $ do I have left to spend?” FYI, in the end, I got plenty of bang for my buck…and I mean that literally as I ended up having to add $1 out of my own pocket toward the bill. So thanks again to my Mom and my buddy Dianne for their thoughtful gift certificates that made this shopping expedition possible! I’M ECSTATIC!

How can I tell? Because it’s warm enough to walk around the house in shorts and sports bras, of course! (I know, I know, God help the neighbors if they happen to look through the ONE window in the house that doesn’t have a shade. Hey, I figure it’s THEIR problem, not mine.)

Anyway, the air sure did SMELL like spring yesterday. And there’s something about how the light is illuminating things that immediately makes a “spring” connection with me, too. I CAN’T WAIT FOR SPRING TO BE SPRUNG! Spring is one of my favorite seasons…it’s so refreshing. idk why but it makes me feel really good right down to my soul. I feel rejuvenated.

Oh, and wanna hear something cute? A bunch of us at work joined forces yesterday and took a walk at lunch. On our way back, I saw a bird’s nest in a tree. OMG, IT WAS SO CUTE!!!

idk if it was written by Neil Young or Nicolette Larson…I know they both sang it and I tend to think that Mr. Young wrote it. (Go, Neil! I love him and haven’t listened in awhile.) Anyway, it goes like this:

“It’s gonna take a lotta love
To change the way things are.
It’s gonna take a lotta love
Or we won’t get too far.

So if you look in my direction
And we don’t see eye to eye,
My heart needs protection
And so do I.

It’s gonna take a lotta love
To get us thru the night.
It’s gonna take a lotta love
To make things work out right.

So if you are out there waitin’
I hope you show up soon,
‘Cause my heart needs relatin’
Not solitude.

Gotta lotta love
Gotta lotta love.”

What brought this song to mind was that it was gonna take a lotta something…namely DETERMINATION…to get those fallen pine branches from the backyard to the curb this morning. But I did it!

Yeah, they were much larger, wider, and heavier than I had anticipated. I even had trouble getting them from the backyard into the driveway! omg, they were taller than me! But with my supergirl strength, I used leverage to break off one of the smaller branches and, for the larger ones, I used a hand saw. But I did it, damn it. They are curbside and they now (loosely) resemble a Christmas tree! (That is important as our town is apparently still picking up spent Christmas trees.)

Hey, they have no way of knowing whether this stuff fell down in my yard or whether I took it down as part of my decorations…I COULD be into a very rustic look. (And actually, I do like rustic…as in Walt Disney World’s Wilderness Lodge, for one. Oh yeah, and the Alligator Bayou section of Disney’s Port Orleans…the former Dixie Landings…where it looks like beavers just finished gnawing on the bedposts. Gotta love it.) Still, I will keep you posted on whether or not they take it. Wish me luck!

Yes, I made a few scientific observations this week. They may not make it into the next issue of “Scientific American,” but they did tickle my fancy…

1. If you sleep on your stomach, you’ll wake up overheated! So if you’re cold when you go to bed, that would seem to be the optimum sleep position. Personally, while that IS my favorite sleep postion, it’s too hot for me and I wake up prematurely. Like I did today. FYI, I prefer to feel some cool air on my skin.

2. That brings us to point #2. Some things are just innate. Ever since I was a baby, I always preferred sleeping on my stomach. (I know, it goes against the SIDS recommendations of today, but it worked for me or, more specifically, my parents, who needed to get some sleep themselves!) Yeah, I understand that I slept on my tummy with my butt sticking up in the air. Today I’ve flattened out that position a bit, with one leg straight and the other one hiked up high, taking up as much bed space as possible, but the basic form is the same. So comfy!

3. You MIGHT be able to get away with putting out huge branches from the pine tree in your backyard on “vegetative waste Tuesday.” The ones that broke off because of heavy ice. In the winter. When the town doesn’t normally pick up vegetative waste. But they DO pick up Christmas trees. Yep, I noticed that some of my neighbors finally put their Christmas trees out curbside and I’m going to pretend that these “branches” are trees! LOL We see how I make out.

4. In order to run properly, a car needs oil. And oil changes. Enough said.

5. If you can beat the pants off of unsuspecting children in an online Disney game in order to get more points, you should do it! LOL My new strategy is to play, play, play, win, win, win, and save, save, save in order to buy some really neat magic pins (if they are still available). But I have a long way to go. So kids, watch out, because I plays to win!

6. If you get an idea for a blog while you are sleeping, you HAVE to get up and blog it IMMEDIATELY or its “flavor” is lost. I can’t tell you how many mornings I wake up and think “What a cute idea for a blog!” only to lose the essence of those thoughts because I didn’t jot them down or get up right away and blog them. Even this blog isn’t exactly as I had written it in my head. It WAS very amusing to me and something got lost in translation. Believe me, if we go with all the off-beat things that I’m thinking at any given time, I’ve got a blog gold mine!

And finally…

7. If you build it, they will come. wtf? Just kidding! LOL

Wait! There’s one more!

8. This one really is scientific. I was pondering the nature of two of our senses…scent and taste. What prompted this? I was thinking about those Harry Potter jelly beans. The really gross ones. With flavors like “ear wax.” wtf? Who really knows what ear wax tastes like? Can something really be any flavor or even tasteless, just HEAVILY SCENTED to smell like ear wax, in order for us to perceive it as tasting like ear wax? These two senses are so very closely connected…if you can’t smell, you can’t taste. I really do wonder about this one. Put on your thinking caps and let me know what you come up with, OK?

Actually JR is the one who discovered it, but I did drink it today and I SWEAR it made me jittery! LOL Just what my co-workers want to hear, right? I’m consuming even more caffeine! I’m silly enough as it is and should probably cut down.

Anyway, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! LOL (So stay away from me in the mornings…)

Yep, that’s what I bought this week. In the form of disposable dental flossers. The product’s name is “Plackers” and it boasts having “new improved Super Tuffloss…Engineered not to shred or break during use. The same fiber used to make bulletproof vests.”

It sounds sexy, doesn’t it? I had never heard of Tuffloss but, truth be told, my razor sharp bottom teeth tend to tear normal dental flossers to shreds in just a few passes, so I figured what the hell…I gotta try this stuff.

omg, it’s amazing! THIS STUFF WON’T SHRED! My only negative comment is that they advertise it as tasting like mint and it really doesn’t taste like anything to me.

It’s cheap, too. I don’t have the receipt with me, but I think it was under $2.00 for 90 disposable dental flossers. At that price, maybe I should stock up and use some of that floss to bulletproof my bras or something! You know, just for fun! ;>